she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize