sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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