He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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