Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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