The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
