Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
