you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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