I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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