i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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