my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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