I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
