My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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