She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Farmville is her only friend.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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