I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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