I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
