The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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