I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
