Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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