I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Someone signed my nipple.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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