he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Did I show you my penis last night?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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