I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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