just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
