so that wasnt chicken after all
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
