Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
