In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
