Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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