Walk of Shame. In a state park.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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