I have demons in me.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
