He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
