Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
