im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
