The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
