were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize