the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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