someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
