So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
