dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
