Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
