Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
