ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize