Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
