Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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