I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
