Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
