I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
