I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
