i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
