Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
