You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
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