So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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