that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
