Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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