Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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