I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
