It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
