We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
