oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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