It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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