No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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