did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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